Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
#13. Rumer Willis
Although technically famous since birth, the daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, and step-daughter of Ashton Kutcher, is finally starting to come into her own. But come out on her own? Not so much. You know the drill, Rumer. I'm dragging you out.
Within the past few years, Rumer has really started making her way into the family business. She had a role in "The House Bunny", a role in the horror flick "Sorority Row" and has recently been seen in '90210' as an out lesbian named Gia, which is probably where the majority of you know her from. I had heard about this whole lesbian storyline, mainly because I heard that Mandy Musgrave would be appearing in a few episodes as Gia's ex-girlfriend. But I figured, 'This is 90210, how great can it actually be?'. So, I never really tuned in to watch. It was a text message from my sister Sam that really sparked my interest.
Sam: "Are you watching the '90210' lesbian storyline?"
Me: "The one with Mandy Musgrave? I've seen a few clips, but I haven't really watched it."
Sam: "No, you need to watch it. Rumer Willis is totally a top."
For me, that sealed the deal and I went on YouTube as soon as I got home that night to catch up on '90210'. And well, I loved it. So much that starting this Tuesday, I'll be tuning in religiously every week to see what they do with this whole Gia/Adrianna (played by Jessica Lowndes) storyline.
I know, I know. Just because she plays a lesbian on TV doesn't mean she is one. Yada Yada Yada. Well, let's just say that Sam was right, because I texted her the next day: "Rumer Willis is SUCH a lez!" Why you ask? Let's take a look.
1. Watch the way she walks. Lesbian swag, that's what that is. If that's her acting, Christ, she deserves an award just for putting one foot in front of the other.
2. Emily Fitch colored hair, not to mention the vast array of in-style lesbian haircuts that Rumer has been sporting these past few years.
3.
...and a picture is worth a thousand words.
#14. Derek Hough
The first time I ever saw 'Dancing With The Stars', which was only recently because I LOVE Kelly Osbourne, she's the coolest, THIS little gem came on screen and I remember saying out loud, "Who's the gay face?" That gay face, America, is dancer Derek Hough.
Sequins, spandex and tap shoes, this guy has the makings of being the next member of Menudo or being Johnny Weir's personal man candy. I love Johnny Weir, he's fabulous. Does anyone love Johnny Weir?
Personally, I just don't get why wouldn't come out, Derek. It's not like it'll ruin your career, dude! You're a freaking DANCER.
Come on, Hough. Who the hell you tryin' to fool?
P.S. My apologies. I know I usually do three celebs, but I'm exhausted. Next time, there'll be.
Although technically famous since birth, the daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, and step-daughter of Ashton Kutcher, is finally starting to come into her own. But come out on her own? Not so much. You know the drill, Rumer. I'm dragging you out.
Within the past few years, Rumer has really started making her way into the family business. She had a role in "The House Bunny", a role in the horror flick "Sorority Row" and has recently been seen in '90210' as an out lesbian named Gia, which is probably where the majority of you know her from. I had heard about this whole lesbian storyline, mainly because I heard that Mandy Musgrave would be appearing in a few episodes as Gia's ex-girlfriend. But I figured, 'This is 90210, how great can it actually be?'. So, I never really tuned in to watch. It was a text message from my sister Sam that really sparked my interest.
Sam: "Are you watching the '90210' lesbian storyline?"
Me: "The one with Mandy Musgrave? I've seen a few clips, but I haven't really watched it."
Sam: "No, you need to watch it. Rumer Willis is totally a top."
For me, that sealed the deal and I went on YouTube as soon as I got home that night to catch up on '90210'. And well, I loved it. So much that starting this Tuesday, I'll be tuning in religiously every week to see what they do with this whole Gia/Adrianna (played by Jessica Lowndes) storyline.
I know, I know. Just because she plays a lesbian on TV doesn't mean she is one. Yada Yada Yada. Well, let's just say that Sam was right, because I texted her the next day: "Rumer Willis is SUCH a lez!" Why you ask? Let's take a look.
1. Watch the way she walks. Lesbian swag, that's what that is. If that's her acting, Christ, she deserves an award just for putting one foot in front of the other.
2. Emily Fitch colored hair, not to mention the vast array of in-style lesbian haircuts that Rumer has been sporting these past few years.
3.
...and a picture is worth a thousand words.
#14. Derek Hough
The first time I ever saw 'Dancing With The Stars', which was only recently because I LOVE Kelly Osbourne, she's the coolest, THIS little gem came on screen and I remember saying out loud, "Who's the gay face?" That gay face, America, is dancer Derek Hough.
Sequins, spandex and tap shoes, this guy has the makings of being the next member of Menudo or being Johnny Weir's personal man candy. I love Johnny Weir, he's fabulous. Does anyone love Johnny Weir?
Personally, I just don't get why wouldn't come out, Derek. It's not like it'll ruin your career, dude! You're a freaking DANCER.
Come on, Hough. Who the hell you tryin' to fool?
P.S. My apologies. I know I usually do three celebs, but I'm exhausted. Next time, there'll be.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
#10. Miley Cyrus
Now before you all start throwing hissy fits and telling me that I have no idea what I'm talking about, let's take some serious facts into consideration. Miley Cyrus starting working for Disney at a young age, she attempted to maintain her 'wholesome good Christian virgin girl' image, but let's face it, that's pretty much gone. And to think, I used to have so much respect for you, Miley.
Well, I used to have a lot of respect for another girl who's situation was very like that of Billy Ray's little girl. That girl goes by the name Lindsay Lohan. Droppin' names on ya now. That's right. Lindsay Lohan.
Now, I'm not saying that Miley is a straight up lesbian. BUT, if she continues down the path she's on, one very similar to Lindsay's, she's on a one-way track to alcohol, cocaine and Samantha Ronson. Don't believe me? Just you wait.
#11. Mandy Musgrave
Ladies and well, ladies, THIS lovely lady is no stranger to your sexual fantasies. Wait, that's not just me, right? Phew, that'd be embarrassing. Ladies, the woman, the myth, the legend...Ashley Davies. Er, I mean, Mandy Musgrave. My apologies, self-professed 'South of Nowhere' whore over here.
Mandy first appeared on the lesbian radar as the daughter of a rock star on the way too short lived 'South of Nowhere'. The, without a doubt, Romeo to Spencer's Juliet. Is it sad that my obsession with this show has gotten so ridiculous that I plan on naming my first daughter Spencer?
Sorry, where was I? Oh, that's right. Mandy Musgrave, I'm dragging you out.
Our Mandy Candy gave us Ashley Davies who gave us the whole 'I'm not into labels' way of avoiding discussing one's sexuality. And now EVERYONE uses that damn line. Ahem, OUT WITH IT, KATHRYN PRESCOTT!...Mandy Musgrave, lesbian trendsetter.
Mandy has had quite a few lesbian roles in her career to date. Besides Ashley Davies, she is playing the character of Misty in Angela Robinson's way too long awaited lesbian rock musical film, 'Girltrash: All Night Long', and she has also recently been seen on '90210' as Rumer Willis' character's ex-girlfriend. Say that one three times fast, I dare ya.
Mandy is a lady lover. She loves locking lips with the female members of the human race. How is she 'convincingly' covering it up, you ask? By being engaged to an individual I soon will also be dragging out. He's the dickhead from 'South of Nowhere', he is Matt Cohen.
If anyone finds out when and where this wedding is taking place, please shoot me an e-mail: screamingsincerity@yahoo.com When "Does anyone have reason why these two should not be wed?" is said, I'll come busting through the door 'Say Anything' style, holding a boombox over my head playing 'Come To My Window' by Melissa Etheridge. A few moments later, Lance Bass will come barging through in the same fashion, only playing Cher's 'Strong Enough'. And we'll both yell in unison, "I DO! THERE IS FAR TOO MUCH GAY GOING ON THIS WEDDING!" You and I both know you'd pay to see that.
But it doesn't have to get to that point, Mandy. Kick and scream all you want, sunshine, but, you've just been dragged out.
#12. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
I'm going to get so much shit for this one...and I'm still typing, I can take it.
Once upon a time, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie engaged in heterosexual intercourse. They made a baby. Nine months later, she was born. They named her Shiloh, blah blah blah...
This Hollywood couple has given us our most famous D.I.T. (Dyke in Training) yet to date. But don't you worry, Shiloh, I'll give you ten or so years before I actually drag you out.
However, it looks like I may not have to. Shiloh reminds me a lot of myself when I was a kid. Well, red flag, ma and pop! Someday your little girl is going to be a running a blog about closeted celebrities! Ok, not really. Besides the whole having superstar parents who are wealthier than God and having siblings from all over the universe, Shiloh and I are similar. Shiloh may not even be gay...But, um, if the shoe fits...
Shiloh recently ditched her long blonde locks for a short 'I'm totally ready for Lilith Fair!' kinda 'do. She's often seen in hats, ties and pirate costumes. No, I understand not all lesbians dress like pirates, but there was this porn I saw once ...And now I'm talking about porn while outing a three year old. See y'all in Hell. And Shiloh, see ya at a pride parade in ten or fifteen years. The lesbian community is waiting to welcome you with open arms. And, uh, bring your mom.
Now before you all start throwing hissy fits and telling me that I have no idea what I'm talking about, let's take some serious facts into consideration. Miley Cyrus starting working for Disney at a young age, she attempted to maintain her 'wholesome good Christian virgin girl' image, but let's face it, that's pretty much gone. And to think, I used to have so much respect for you, Miley.
Well, I used to have a lot of respect for another girl who's situation was very like that of Billy Ray's little girl. That girl goes by the name Lindsay Lohan. Droppin' names on ya now. That's right. Lindsay Lohan.
Now, I'm not saying that Miley is a straight up lesbian. BUT, if she continues down the path she's on, one very similar to Lindsay's, she's on a one-way track to alcohol, cocaine and Samantha Ronson. Don't believe me? Just you wait.
#11. Mandy Musgrave
Ladies and well, ladies, THIS lovely lady is no stranger to your sexual fantasies. Wait, that's not just me, right? Phew, that'd be embarrassing. Ladies, the woman, the myth, the legend...Ashley Davies. Er, I mean, Mandy Musgrave. My apologies, self-professed 'South of Nowhere' whore over here.
Mandy first appeared on the lesbian radar as the daughter of a rock star on the way too short lived 'South of Nowhere'. The, without a doubt, Romeo to Spencer's Juliet. Is it sad that my obsession with this show has gotten so ridiculous that I plan on naming my first daughter Spencer?
Sorry, where was I? Oh, that's right. Mandy Musgrave, I'm dragging you out.
Our Mandy Candy gave us Ashley Davies who gave us the whole 'I'm not into labels' way of avoiding discussing one's sexuality. And now EVERYONE uses that damn line. Ahem, OUT WITH IT, KATHRYN PRESCOTT!...Mandy Musgrave, lesbian trendsetter.
Mandy has had quite a few lesbian roles in her career to date. Besides Ashley Davies, she is playing the character of Misty in Angela Robinson's way too long awaited lesbian rock musical film, 'Girltrash: All Night Long', and she has also recently been seen on '90210' as Rumer Willis' character's ex-girlfriend. Say that one three times fast, I dare ya.
Mandy is a lady lover. She loves locking lips with the female members of the human race. How is she 'convincingly' covering it up, you ask? By being engaged to an individual I soon will also be dragging out. He's the dickhead from 'South of Nowhere', he is Matt Cohen.
If anyone finds out when and where this wedding is taking place, please shoot me an e-mail: screamingsincerity@yahoo.com When "Does anyone have reason why these two should not be wed?" is said, I'll come busting through the door 'Say Anything' style, holding a boombox over my head playing 'Come To My Window' by Melissa Etheridge. A few moments later, Lance Bass will come barging through in the same fashion, only playing Cher's 'Strong Enough'. And we'll both yell in unison, "I DO! THERE IS FAR TOO MUCH GAY GOING ON THIS WEDDING!" You and I both know you'd pay to see that.
But it doesn't have to get to that point, Mandy. Kick and scream all you want, sunshine, but, you've just been dragged out.
#12. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
I'm going to get so much shit for this one...and I'm still typing, I can take it.
Once upon a time, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie engaged in heterosexual intercourse. They made a baby. Nine months later, she was born. They named her Shiloh, blah blah blah...
This Hollywood couple has given us our most famous D.I.T. (Dyke in Training) yet to date. But don't you worry, Shiloh, I'll give you ten or so years before I actually drag you out.
However, it looks like I may not have to. Shiloh reminds me a lot of myself when I was a kid. Well, red flag, ma and pop! Someday your little girl is going to be a running a blog about closeted celebrities! Ok, not really. Besides the whole having superstar parents who are wealthier than God and having siblings from all over the universe, Shiloh and I are similar. Shiloh may not even be gay...But, um, if the shoe fits...
Shiloh recently ditched her long blonde locks for a short 'I'm totally ready for Lilith Fair!' kinda 'do. She's often seen in hats, ties and pirate costumes. No, I understand not all lesbians dress like pirates, but there was this porn I saw once ...And now I'm talking about porn while outing a three year old. See y'all in Hell. And Shiloh, see ya at a pride parade in ten or fifteen years. The lesbian community is waiting to welcome you with open arms. And, uh, bring your mom.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
A Fond Farewell to a Lesbian Legacy
These past few years have not been kind to lesbians on television. I went from having a plethora of things to watch to virtually nothing and it is only now slowly but surely re-building itself. I cried when 'The L Word' came to an end. Honestly because it was the worst series finale of any television series I'd ever seen. Ilene Chaiken, I really don't think there's a way I could ever forgive you for that. No, really. But as much as I loved 'The L Word', I mean we all did. Do? Did? Do? But nothing compared, for me, at least, to 'South of Nowhere'. Jesus Christ, I LOVED that show. I would stay in on Friday nights just to watch it. I've got an autographed cast photo as well as a letter and autographed photo from Gabrielle Christian, who played Spencer, hanging on my bedroom wall. That show came out at such a crucial time in my life, just as I began becoming comfortable with my sexuality. It was my place to turn when I needed to know that I wasn't alone. I love Spencer Carlin. I love Ashley Davies. I love their relationship. I laughed when they laughed. I cried when they cried. For fuck's sake, I STILL miss them. But as much as I love Spashley, there's a couple that I'm going to miss even more and have come to love even more.
This past week, I've had to cope with saying goodbye to the lesbian legacy that is Naomily, Naomi Campbell and Emily Fitch from 'Skins'. Two years of watching these girls and it's like I've known them my whole life. I absolutely adore the actresses who play them, Lily Loveless and Kathryn Prescott, respectively. When it comes down to it, really, everything about Naomily is right. I believe that it is very possibly the most accurately portrayed lesbian relationship to ever be on television. They may not realize it yet, but what Kat, Lily and the 'Skins' writers have done in these two short years is so incredibly groundbreaking. Here were two female characters who didn't kiss tight-lipped that one time and never speak of it again because it was Sweeps Week. These two female characters embarked on a journey of a beautiful and sometimes disastrous relationship, but really what they've embarked on here, is a legacy. And one that is not soon to be forgotten.
Although we only had two years, we got to watch Naomily grow from something faint to an incredibly beautiful love story. When we first met Naomi and Emily, we found out that the two had a history. They had kissed previously. Katie, Emily's overbearing twin sister, led everyone to believe that it was Naomi who kissed Emily and that Naomi was the big bad dyke that everyone should avoid. We learn, however, that it was Emily who kissed the blonde. Emily who wanted to do this all the time. The first time we the viewers saw these two lock lips was after an afternoon of MDMA brownies at Panda's house. And it wasn't the drugs, girls, we could all see it. You two were in love.
Naomi's episode, if you haven't seen it, I highly suggest you watch it online and not on the U.S. BBC Channel, was just so beautifully done. The scene of the two of them down by the edge of the lake, and the morning after are some of my favorite scenes of all time. When Emily says, "I know you, Naomi. I know you're lonely. I think you need someone to want you. Well, I DO want you...so, be brave...and want me back." Oh my God, my heart starts breaking every single damn time. Emily knew she was gay right from the start. "I like sex with girls. I like their rosy lips, their hard nipples, bums, soft thighs. I like tits and fanny, you know?" It was Naomi who was struggling to come to terms with it all, pushing Emily away whenever she could. We only found out recently why that was.
Another great Naomily scene is the 'holding hands through the cat flap' scene. Genius. Whoever came up with that is a bloody fucking genius. Naomi tells Emily, "When I'm with you, I feel like I'm a better person. I feel happier, less alone, less lonely." And here starts cracking away at the hard-ass that is Naomi Campbell.
By the time the college Love Ball rolls around, the two are so insanely in love with each other and of course, Naomi is pushing it away. However, love will always find a way. And it does. It takes Emily and Katie beating the piss out of each other to do so, but hey. Emily announces, "I like girls. No, I like A girl. No...I love her." With that, Naomi gestures for Emily to take her hand. FINALLY!!! And with an 'I love you, too', our girls go walking hand-in-hand into the sunset ready to start their happily ever after.
...That is, until the next season. It opens up in a club where all of our favorite friends are dancing away the effects of MDMA and looky here, our favorite girls are making out in public without a care in the world. Aw, isn't that---WHOA! Did you see that? That bitch just offed herself from the balcony. The (at first) nameless face would soon become one of the most important characters in the story of Naomily. But until then, let's put her out of our heads. Our girls are happy and deliriously in love. Room for three on that scooter, ladies? They're living together. U-Hauled like a couple of typical freaking lesbians and they have all the alone time they need. And just when everything seems good as gold, nameless face enters the picture. Her name is Sophia and she was under the influence of MDMA when she died. MDMA that Naomi had sold her, unbeknownst to Emily who now begins to investigate. What she discovers is horrifying, heart wrenching and vomit inducing. It made me so mad that I blogged about it on my music myspace, which you can read here (blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=368772720&blogId=528337577) Naomi CHEATED on Emily. And I broke down and cried. Not only because I've been in Emily's shoes, but because they worked SO God damn hard to get to where they were, only to have it ruined. Fuck, was I pissed. So pissed that if Lily Loveless happened to have been sitting next to me, I would've punched her square in the ovaries. I cursed Naomi's name under my breath all night. I just couldn't believe it.
The rest of the season between Naomi and Emily was more full of more angst than Kelly Clarkson going worldwide and singing her songs about how much she loves women and not being able to tell anyone...Oops, sorry, back to Naomily. Emily loved Naomi, but she wanted revenge for Naomi's act of ultimate betrayal. This is best illustrated in the cookout scene at Naomi and Emily's place. It is here where we hear Emily tell her most boldfaced lie. We know that there's no one Emily wants to be with other than Naomi. Don't pull that shit on us, Fitch. We're too smart for that.
Throughout the season, it seemed as if everything might've been getting a little better for everyone going through some seriously intense shit. i.e. The darling Effy. Except for Naomily, things just seemed to be getting worse. On top of it all, Emily starting bringing this girl Mandy around the house to basically dangle in front of Naomi. In the last episode, Emily wakes up next to Mandy, who's, uh, kinda sorta naked. Come on, here. Not you, too, Ems. Emily, unsure of what had happened, gets up in a daze and sniffs her fingers. I. DIED. WHO'S IDEA WAS THAT?! THAT. IS. FRICKING. HILARIOUS. Ahh, jeez. ::wipes tears:: Funny shit. After over hearing a conversation between Emily and Naomi, who comes home pretending not to give a damn, Mandy gives Emsy an ultimatum. Shut up, bitch. She ain't yours. Naomi then decides to take a stab back at Emily by dangling the same girl in front of her face. Seriously great acting by Loveless in this scene. Emily leaves, clearly upset and Mandy makes a pass at Naomi and says, "If you don't want her, I do." Thus we have, the slap heard 'round the world. Good for you, Naoms. Fight for your girl!
The next morning, Emily wakes up and turns to see Naomi gazing at her. "I love you" she whispers. Naomi responds with a "Don't lie". When Emily doesn't respond, Naomi gets out of bed and informs Emily that her mom will be moving back soon and that it's probably best if she leaves. COME ON, GUYS!! YOU CAN WORK THIS OUT! DON'T DO THIS! Later we see an ass naked, yes ASS. NAKED. Lily Loveless in bed holding the last shirt that Emily wore to sleep with her. She wraps herself up in bed and lays down in the fetal position. She's been defeated. These two need each other. They both know it. They're just too stubborn to admit it.
The last scene we see our girls in, I can't even...Just watch, let Naomi explain.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!! This is what it's all about, folks. That's it, right there. "I would die for you. I love you. I love you so much and it's killing me." You just killed ME, Lily Loveless. There's a damn lump in my throat.
These girls have stolen , broken and re-stolen my heart throughout these past two seasons. Soulmates isn't a term to be tossed around lightly, but watching the story of Naomi and Emily unfold mixed with the real and believable on-screen chemistry between Kathryn Prescott and Lily Loveless, I say this confidently: Emily and Naomi are made for each other. They are soulmates and although we'll never really know, may Naomily live happily ever after!
This past week, I've had to cope with saying goodbye to the lesbian legacy that is Naomily, Naomi Campbell and Emily Fitch from 'Skins'. Two years of watching these girls and it's like I've known them my whole life. I absolutely adore the actresses who play them, Lily Loveless and Kathryn Prescott, respectively. When it comes down to it, really, everything about Naomily is right. I believe that it is very possibly the most accurately portrayed lesbian relationship to ever be on television. They may not realize it yet, but what Kat, Lily and the 'Skins' writers have done in these two short years is so incredibly groundbreaking. Here were two female characters who didn't kiss tight-lipped that one time and never speak of it again because it was Sweeps Week. These two female characters embarked on a journey of a beautiful and sometimes disastrous relationship, but really what they've embarked on here, is a legacy. And one that is not soon to be forgotten.
Although we only had two years, we got to watch Naomily grow from something faint to an incredibly beautiful love story. When we first met Naomi and Emily, we found out that the two had a history. They had kissed previously. Katie, Emily's overbearing twin sister, led everyone to believe that it was Naomi who kissed Emily and that Naomi was the big bad dyke that everyone should avoid. We learn, however, that it was Emily who kissed the blonde. Emily who wanted to do this all the time. The first time we the viewers saw these two lock lips was after an afternoon of MDMA brownies at Panda's house. And it wasn't the drugs, girls, we could all see it. You two were in love.
Naomi's episode, if you haven't seen it, I highly suggest you watch it online and not on the U.S. BBC Channel, was just so beautifully done. The scene of the two of them down by the edge of the lake, and the morning after are some of my favorite scenes of all time. When Emily says, "I know you, Naomi. I know you're lonely. I think you need someone to want you. Well, I DO want you...so, be brave...and want me back." Oh my God, my heart starts breaking every single damn time. Emily knew she was gay right from the start. "I like sex with girls. I like their rosy lips, their hard nipples, bums, soft thighs. I like tits and fanny, you know?" It was Naomi who was struggling to come to terms with it all, pushing Emily away whenever she could. We only found out recently why that was.
Another great Naomily scene is the 'holding hands through the cat flap' scene. Genius. Whoever came up with that is a bloody fucking genius. Naomi tells Emily, "When I'm with you, I feel like I'm a better person. I feel happier, less alone, less lonely." And here starts cracking away at the hard-ass that is Naomi Campbell.
By the time the college Love Ball rolls around, the two are so insanely in love with each other and of course, Naomi is pushing it away. However, love will always find a way. And it does. It takes Emily and Katie beating the piss out of each other to do so, but hey. Emily announces, "I like girls. No, I like A girl. No...I love her." With that, Naomi gestures for Emily to take her hand. FINALLY!!! And with an 'I love you, too', our girls go walking hand-in-hand into the sunset ready to start their happily ever after.
...That is, until the next season. It opens up in a club where all of our favorite friends are dancing away the effects of MDMA and looky here, our favorite girls are making out in public without a care in the world. Aw, isn't that---WHOA! Did you see that? That bitch just offed herself from the balcony. The (at first) nameless face would soon become one of the most important characters in the story of Naomily. But until then, let's put her out of our heads. Our girls are happy and deliriously in love. Room for three on that scooter, ladies? They're living together. U-Hauled like a couple of typical freaking lesbians and they have all the alone time they need. And just when everything seems good as gold, nameless face enters the picture. Her name is Sophia and she was under the influence of MDMA when she died. MDMA that Naomi had sold her, unbeknownst to Emily who now begins to investigate. What she discovers is horrifying, heart wrenching and vomit inducing. It made me so mad that I blogged about it on my music myspace, which you can read here (blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=368772720&blogId=528337577) Naomi CHEATED on Emily. And I broke down and cried. Not only because I've been in Emily's shoes, but because they worked SO God damn hard to get to where they were, only to have it ruined. Fuck, was I pissed. So pissed that if Lily Loveless happened to have been sitting next to me, I would've punched her square in the ovaries. I cursed Naomi's name under my breath all night. I just couldn't believe it.
The rest of the season between Naomi and Emily was more full of more angst than Kelly Clarkson going worldwide and singing her songs about how much she loves women and not being able to tell anyone...Oops, sorry, back to Naomily. Emily loved Naomi, but she wanted revenge for Naomi's act of ultimate betrayal. This is best illustrated in the cookout scene at Naomi and Emily's place. It is here where we hear Emily tell her most boldfaced lie. We know that there's no one Emily wants to be with other than Naomi. Don't pull that shit on us, Fitch. We're too smart for that.
Throughout the season, it seemed as if everything might've been getting a little better for everyone going through some seriously intense shit. i.e. The darling Effy. Except for Naomily, things just seemed to be getting worse. On top of it all, Emily starting bringing this girl Mandy around the house to basically dangle in front of Naomi. In the last episode, Emily wakes up next to Mandy, who's, uh, kinda sorta naked. Come on, here. Not you, too, Ems. Emily, unsure of what had happened, gets up in a daze and sniffs her fingers. I. DIED. WHO'S IDEA WAS THAT?! THAT. IS. FRICKING. HILARIOUS. Ahh, jeez. ::wipes tears:: Funny shit. After over hearing a conversation between Emily and Naomi, who comes home pretending not to give a damn, Mandy gives Emsy an ultimatum. Shut up, bitch. She ain't yours. Naomi then decides to take a stab back at Emily by dangling the same girl in front of her face. Seriously great acting by Loveless in this scene. Emily leaves, clearly upset and Mandy makes a pass at Naomi and says, "If you don't want her, I do." Thus we have, the slap heard 'round the world. Good for you, Naoms. Fight for your girl!
The next morning, Emily wakes up and turns to see Naomi gazing at her. "I love you" she whispers. Naomi responds with a "Don't lie". When Emily doesn't respond, Naomi gets out of bed and informs Emily that her mom will be moving back soon and that it's probably best if she leaves. COME ON, GUYS!! YOU CAN WORK THIS OUT! DON'T DO THIS! Later we see an ass naked, yes ASS. NAKED. Lily Loveless in bed holding the last shirt that Emily wore to sleep with her. She wraps herself up in bed and lays down in the fetal position. She's been defeated. These two need each other. They both know it. They're just too stubborn to admit it.
The last scene we see our girls in, I can't even...Just watch, let Naomi explain.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!! This is what it's all about, folks. That's it, right there. "I would die for you. I love you. I love you so much and it's killing me." You just killed ME, Lily Loveless. There's a damn lump in my throat.
These girls have stolen , broken and re-stolen my heart throughout these past two seasons. Soulmates isn't a term to be tossed around lightly, but watching the story of Naomi and Emily unfold mixed with the real and believable on-screen chemistry between Kathryn Prescott and Lily Loveless, I say this confidently: Emily and Naomi are made for each other. They are soulmates and although we'll never really know, may Naomily live happily ever after!
Friday, March 19, 2010
Completely unrelated, but, if the incredibly hot blonde with the K Stewart eyes who came into my work the other day happens to stumble across this blog, here is my e-mail address: screamingsincerity@yahoo.com Let's make out? Awesome.
And back to business, 3 new celebrities for you today.
#7. Kathryn Prescott
Let me first start off by saying that I love this girl. No, really, I'm completely in love with her. Wait, she has a boyfriend? Well, that sends my whole 'meet, fall in love, get married, have five kids and live happily ever after' plan crashing and burning, doesn't it? Perhaps not. Kathryn Prescott, I'm dragging you out.
For those of you who don't know who Kat is (shame on you), here's a little insight. Kat stars as Emily Fitch on a show called 'Skins' which airs in Britain. It's like Degrassi, only maybe not as ridiculous, if you will. Kat's character, Emily, is a lesbian. She says it best herself: "I like sex with girls. I like their rosy lips, their hard nipples, bums, soft thighs. I like tits and fanny, you know?" I think that if I'm ever in a profession that requires a business card, I want that written under my name. But anyway, back to my wife. Now, I understand that it is Kathryn's character saying these things and not Kathryn herself...or is it? Let's take a look at what we're working with here. I'm saying this with complete confidence: Kathryn Prescott and her co-star Lily Loveless, who plays her on-screen girlfriend, Naomi, have fucked. They have engaged in lesbian sex with one another. Not dragging Lily out though, just Kat. She herself has said, "I'm not really into labels." in regards to her sexuality. Don't you go all Ashley Davies on me, Prescott. I want a straight, or rather, a gay answer so that we can get back on track with our whole 'meet, fall in love, get married, have five kids and live happily ever after' plan.
#8. Kevin Jonas
Beyonce once said, "If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it." And honey, this boy put that ring on the wrong gender. Although not as popular as his brothers, Joe and Nick, Kevin Jonas has something to offer. He gets the privilege of being labeled the gay, or excuse me, the gayest of the bunch. His voice is a combination of Perez Hilton and possibly Ryan Seacrest. Jesus, that's enough gay to turn the whole world a shade of rainbow. And don't you wish you could've been a fly on the fall on his wedding night? I can't even imagine the sound of his high pitched (yet on key) scream when he saw a vagina for the first time. That's not the part you're looking to play with, JoBro! "Ohhh this is an S.O.S., Kevin Jonas likes gay sex." Hey, check it out, I got songwriting skills, too. Perchance I'm the lesbian Bonus Jonas.
#9. Katherine Moennig
If you're raising your eyebrows or rolling your eyes at this one, I can't say I blame you, but it's true. Kate, our beloved Shane McCutcheon, hasn't actually come out...yet. I know. I can't believe it either. Everyone wants to land themselves a Shane somewhere down the line. Bitch has got it all. My older sister Sam said it best, "Ever hear the phrase: 'If it looks like a pig, eats like a pig, walks like a pig, talks like a pig...it's a fucking pig'? Yeah, that's Kate Moennig." Couldn't have said it any better myself. The closet can be a lonely place, love. Let's drag you outta there.
Katherine's role choices haven't exactly portrayed her in a 'heterosexual light', if you will. Her breakout performance in 'Young Americans' had her messing around with gender roles, she played Drew Barrymore's 'friend' (as in close friend, like really close. The kind of friend who gets into bed naked with you and wraps their legs around you while you sleep. A.K.A. The best damn friend there is) in 'Everybody's Fine', a somewhat hard-ass androgynous doctor on the short lived 'Three Rivers', an artist with a SERIOUS mullet in 'Art School Confidential' (P.S. Girlfriend, NOT a good look for you.) and, of course, as every lesbian's dream. The one. The only. Shane McCutcheon on 'The L Word'. Ow Owwww. Hmm, seems to be a bit of a trend going on here, Kate. Care to elaborate? I guess this one is kind of a cheap shot, considering it's something that everyone with a pair of eyes knows. Kate, I'm sure you're hooking up with a bunch of us on the nightly anyway, but come on, enough is enough. Come out already so that I can relocate and desperately try to be one of those girls.
And back to business, 3 new celebrities for you today.
#7. Kathryn Prescott
Let me first start off by saying that I love this girl. No, really, I'm completely in love with her. Wait, she has a boyfriend? Well, that sends my whole 'meet, fall in love, get married, have five kids and live happily ever after' plan crashing and burning, doesn't it? Perhaps not. Kathryn Prescott, I'm dragging you out.
For those of you who don't know who Kat is (shame on you), here's a little insight. Kat stars as Emily Fitch on a show called 'Skins' which airs in Britain. It's like Degrassi, only maybe not as ridiculous, if you will. Kat's character, Emily, is a lesbian. She says it best herself: "I like sex with girls. I like their rosy lips, their hard nipples, bums, soft thighs. I like tits and fanny, you know?" I think that if I'm ever in a profession that requires a business card, I want that written under my name. But anyway, back to my wife. Now, I understand that it is Kathryn's character saying these things and not Kathryn herself...or is it? Let's take a look at what we're working with here. I'm saying this with complete confidence: Kathryn Prescott and her co-star Lily Loveless, who plays her on-screen girlfriend, Naomi, have fucked. They have engaged in lesbian sex with one another. Not dragging Lily out though, just Kat. She herself has said, "I'm not really into labels." in regards to her sexuality. Don't you go all Ashley Davies on me, Prescott. I want a straight, or rather, a gay answer so that we can get back on track with our whole 'meet, fall in love, get married, have five kids and live happily ever after' plan.
#8. Kevin Jonas
Beyonce once said, "If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it." And honey, this boy put that ring on the wrong gender. Although not as popular as his brothers, Joe and Nick, Kevin Jonas has something to offer. He gets the privilege of being labeled the gay, or excuse me, the gayest of the bunch. His voice is a combination of Perez Hilton and possibly Ryan Seacrest. Jesus, that's enough gay to turn the whole world a shade of rainbow. And don't you wish you could've been a fly on the fall on his wedding night? I can't even imagine the sound of his high pitched (yet on key) scream when he saw a vagina for the first time. That's not the part you're looking to play with, JoBro! "Ohhh this is an S.O.S., Kevin Jonas likes gay sex." Hey, check it out, I got songwriting skills, too. Perchance I'm the lesbian Bonus Jonas.
#9. Katherine Moennig
If you're raising your eyebrows or rolling your eyes at this one, I can't say I blame you, but it's true. Kate, our beloved Shane McCutcheon, hasn't actually come out...yet. I know. I can't believe it either. Everyone wants to land themselves a Shane somewhere down the line. Bitch has got it all. My older sister Sam said it best, "Ever hear the phrase: 'If it looks like a pig, eats like a pig, walks like a pig, talks like a pig...it's a fucking pig'? Yeah, that's Kate Moennig." Couldn't have said it any better myself. The closet can be a lonely place, love. Let's drag you outta there.
Katherine's role choices haven't exactly portrayed her in a 'heterosexual light', if you will. Her breakout performance in 'Young Americans' had her messing around with gender roles, she played Drew Barrymore's 'friend' (as in close friend, like really close. The kind of friend who gets into bed naked with you and wraps their legs around you while you sleep. A.K.A. The best damn friend there is) in 'Everybody's Fine', a somewhat hard-ass androgynous doctor on the short lived 'Three Rivers', an artist with a SERIOUS mullet in 'Art School Confidential' (P.S. Girlfriend, NOT a good look for you.) and, of course, as every lesbian's dream. The one. The only. Shane McCutcheon on 'The L Word'. Ow Owwww. Hmm, seems to be a bit of a trend going on here, Kate. Care to elaborate? I guess this one is kind of a cheap shot, considering it's something that everyone with a pair of eyes knows. Kate, I'm sure you're hooking up with a bunch of us on the nightly anyway, but come on, enough is enough. Come out already so that I can relocate and desperately try to be one of those girls.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Kristen Stewart in all her lesbian goodness.
Special thanks to (love you all, but...) my FAVORITE AfterEllen.com writer Trish Bendix for posting this on her Morning Brew column this morning. Check out Kristen discussing karaoke, Rush and hinting that she'd probably fuck Lady GaGa.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Just wanted to bring this to your attention
The ladies over at AfterEllen.com have compiled a list of the Top 50 Lesbian/Bisexual TV and Movie characters. Good to see most of my favorites made the top 20 :)
http://www.afterellen.com/TV/2010/3/top-fifty-lesbian-bisexual-characters
http://www.afterellen.com/TV/2010/3/top-fifty-lesbian-bisexual-characters
Monday, March 15, 2010
4. Ellen Page
'Love at first sight' would be my first thought about how to describe Ellen Page, and not just for me, but for a lot of us out there in the lesbian community. She has certainly taken the lesbian world by storm becoming everyone's crush and 'It girl'. But is Ellen Page actually a lesbian? Survey says: "HELL YEAH!". She's castrated Patrick Wilson, she stole my heart as the cutest pregnant girl in America, she re-stole my heart all over again playing roller derby, she kisses Drew Barrymore, she wants to hug a girl with her legs. Ladies, the next big celesbian: Ms. Ellen Page. I think she came out to all of us on Saturday Night Live during the skit I'm about to show you, maybe we all should've paid a little closer attention. I apologize for the quality of this video. It's the only one I could find on YouTube.
Baby, if you want to hug a girl with your legs, my legs will return the favor. Just come out and we can spend the better part of our evenings drinking wine, listening to Melissa Etheridge and hugging each other with our legs.
5. Ryan Seacrest
Every time I turn on the TV or the radio, I see his face and I hear his voice. His gay face and his gay voice. Guy has a serious case of gay face. Ryan Seacrest should've been out for years now. I think he's the only person in society who DOESN'T know that he's gay. And just a sidenote, Ryan ol' pal, hanging out with former strippers who look like trannys, probably isn't helping you all that much, just sayin'. Ryan spends probably 18 out of the 24 hours in a day working and that, combined with his built-up sexual tension towards Simon Cowell, must have him constantly about to explode. Dude, put on your rainbow party hat and come kick it over at NPH's, we're having a few drinks.
6. Mary-Kate Olsen
This one was mentioned by a few readers on my first post and the more I started thinking about it, the more I thought, let's drag this bitch OUT! MK, perhaps the more troubled half of the Olsen twins, may have been building up all of her anxiety due to her fears about her sexuality. Let's rewind, shall we? We all remember Mary-Kate and Ashley as Michelle on 'Full House', prior to their 1990's world domination. Then came a film alongside Steve Guttenburg and Kirstie Alley called 'It Takes Two', a tale about two girls, one a prissy spoiled rich girly girl, the other an orphan from Brooklyn with a backwards hat, a mouth like a trucker and a serious baseball swing. Guess which one MK played? That's right, the D.I.T. (Dyke in Training). Fast forward to present day, MK has recently been kicking it along side the former Mrs. Lohan, DJ Samantha Ronson...I still don't understand the attraction girls have to her, but oh well. Come on out, MK, there's a lot of better looking women out there!
'Love at first sight' would be my first thought about how to describe Ellen Page, and not just for me, but for a lot of us out there in the lesbian community. She has certainly taken the lesbian world by storm becoming everyone's crush and 'It girl'. But is Ellen Page actually a lesbian? Survey says: "HELL YEAH!". She's castrated Patrick Wilson, she stole my heart as the cutest pregnant girl in America, she re-stole my heart all over again playing roller derby, she kisses Drew Barrymore, she wants to hug a girl with her legs. Ladies, the next big celesbian: Ms. Ellen Page. I think she came out to all of us on Saturday Night Live during the skit I'm about to show you, maybe we all should've paid a little closer attention. I apologize for the quality of this video. It's the only one I could find on YouTube.
Baby, if you want to hug a girl with your legs, my legs will return the favor. Just come out and we can spend the better part of our evenings drinking wine, listening to Melissa Etheridge and hugging each other with our legs.
5. Ryan Seacrest
Every time I turn on the TV or the radio, I see his face and I hear his voice. His gay face and his gay voice. Guy has a serious case of gay face. Ryan Seacrest should've been out for years now. I think he's the only person in society who DOESN'T know that he's gay. And just a sidenote, Ryan ol' pal, hanging out with former strippers who look like trannys, probably isn't helping you all that much, just sayin'. Ryan spends probably 18 out of the 24 hours in a day working and that, combined with his built-up sexual tension towards Simon Cowell, must have him constantly about to explode. Dude, put on your rainbow party hat and come kick it over at NPH's, we're having a few drinks.
6. Mary-Kate Olsen
This one was mentioned by a few readers on my first post and the more I started thinking about it, the more I thought, let's drag this bitch OUT! MK, perhaps the more troubled half of the Olsen twins, may have been building up all of her anxiety due to her fears about her sexuality. Let's rewind, shall we? We all remember Mary-Kate and Ashley as Michelle on 'Full House', prior to their 1990's world domination. Then came a film alongside Steve Guttenburg and Kirstie Alley called 'It Takes Two', a tale about two girls, one a prissy spoiled rich girly girl, the other an orphan from Brooklyn with a backwards hat, a mouth like a trucker and a serious baseball swing. Guess which one MK played? That's right, the D.I.T. (Dyke in Training). Fast forward to present day, MK has recently been kicking it along side the former Mrs. Lohan, DJ Samantha Ronson...I still don't understand the attraction girls have to her, but oh well. Come on out, MK, there's a lot of better looking women out there!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
It started with Ellen DeGeneres. No, really it did. I remember being in fifth grade and seeing that cover of Time Magazine, those two words bursting off of the cover: "I'm Gay". Many people thought that that was the end of Ellen's career and well, just look at her now. She is a walking, talking million dollar bill. She has her own talk show, she's a judge on American Idol, a spokeswoman for CoverGirl, is still doing film work and is happily married to her beautiful wife Portia DeRossi, all while still being on the frontlines to promote equality. For those who think that coming out of the closet can ruin a celebrity's career, take a look at our girl Ellen. So, I've decided to share with you some celebrities who I believe are so closeted, that they're finding Christmas presents from three years ago. So, without further adieu, here they are.
1. Kelly Clarkson
Yes, you read that right, the ORIGINAL American Idol, is a lesbian. Well, she hasn't exactly admitted it yet, but good Lord, REALLY?! The angsty love songs, the never being seen in public with a member of the male species, the all my friends look like they could've been cast in The Real L Word...Not to mention that her performance with Melissa Etheridge of "Bring Me Some Water" on VH1's most recent "Divas", was the gayest thing I've seen on stage since 'Cats'. Kelly also recently joined the line-up for this Summer's anticipated return of Lilith Fair, which may I remind you, is an ALL WOMEN concert tour. Girlfriend, lesbians LOVE you and you love them, too. You know it, we ALL know it. Out with it, KClarks, America will still love you.
2. Taylor Lautner
Sorry, girls, I know he's your most recent poster boy, but America's favorite werewolf is also prettyyyy homosexual. His biggest role to date is that of a werewolf who runs around shirtless with all his shirtless friends wrestling and touching each other. Oh, I'm sorry, what? He dated Taylor Swift? Really? Oh then, I'm sorry, he must be straight. I dated boys for a time once, too, ladies, so you're gonna need something better than that. The boy just gives me a serious gay vibe every time he opens his mouth. And, well, a picture is worth a thousand words, or really just two: "I'm GAY".
3. Kristen Stewart
Keeping it in the 'Twilight' saga, let's move on to America's favorite mortal, Bella Swan, also known as Kristen Stewart. Kristen, Kristen, Kristen. Where do I even start with you, darling? This girl has the makings of 'angry dyke' written all over her and has got my gaydar beeping out of control. While in her 'Runaways' get-up, Kristen looked more comfortable than we've ever seen her, all while dressed head to toe like dykon Joan Jett. P.S. Super duper excited to see this movie and not just for the hype of the steamy kissing scene between our beloved K Stewart and Dakota Fanning. I feel like if Kristen came out of the closet, maybe she'd smile a whole lot more. And all we want is to see you happy, girlfriend! Just say the words!
1. Kelly Clarkson
Yes, you read that right, the ORIGINAL American Idol, is a lesbian. Well, she hasn't exactly admitted it yet, but good Lord, REALLY?! The angsty love songs, the never being seen in public with a member of the male species, the all my friends look like they could've been cast in The Real L Word...Not to mention that her performance with Melissa Etheridge of "Bring Me Some Water" on VH1's most recent "Divas", was the gayest thing I've seen on stage since 'Cats'. Kelly also recently joined the line-up for this Summer's anticipated return of Lilith Fair, which may I remind you, is an ALL WOMEN concert tour. Girlfriend, lesbians LOVE you and you love them, too. You know it, we ALL know it. Out with it, KClarks, America will still love you.
2. Taylor Lautner
Sorry, girls, I know he's your most recent poster boy, but America's favorite werewolf is also prettyyyy homosexual. His biggest role to date is that of a werewolf who runs around shirtless with all his shirtless friends wrestling and touching each other. Oh, I'm sorry, what? He dated Taylor Swift? Really? Oh then, I'm sorry, he must be straight. I dated boys for a time once, too, ladies, so you're gonna need something better than that. The boy just gives me a serious gay vibe every time he opens his mouth. And, well, a picture is worth a thousand words, or really just two: "I'm GAY".
3. Kristen Stewart
Keeping it in the 'Twilight' saga, let's move on to America's favorite mortal, Bella Swan, also known as Kristen Stewart. Kristen, Kristen, Kristen. Where do I even start with you, darling? This girl has the makings of 'angry dyke' written all over her and has got my gaydar beeping out of control. While in her 'Runaways' get-up, Kristen looked more comfortable than we've ever seen her, all while dressed head to toe like dykon Joan Jett. P.S. Super duper excited to see this movie and not just for the hype of the steamy kissing scene between our beloved K Stewart and Dakota Fanning. I feel like if Kristen came out of the closet, maybe she'd smile a whole lot more. And all we want is to see you happy, girlfriend! Just say the words!
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